nonsensical words

If you read my posts at all, you've probably noticed my fondness for creating my own vocabulary, taking a bit of liberty with words, if you will. I like to think that JK Rowling and I have this in common! (side note: I'm writing this as I watch the first 6.5 Harry Potter movies on Blu Ray in preparation for the final movie!) Anyway, in honor of made-up words, I've included a few gems from the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational (my comments in italics):

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are some of the winners:

*Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

*Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

*Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

*Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

*Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

*Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

*Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

*Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

*Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Apparently this definition was written by Miss Teen South Carolina ("like such as")

*Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. I am still in training for a decafalon, it should be noted, as I have yet to complete one single day eating only healthy foods!

*Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

*Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. This is a close cousin to the strange halting-then-sprinting dance I did upon encountering a large snake on the trails while going for a run.

*Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

*Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

*Coffee, n: The person upon whom one coughs.

*Flabbergasted, adj.: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. Love this one! The definition. Not the state of being flabbergasted, I should clarify.

*Abdicate, v.: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. I'm not quite ready to abdicate yet... still optimistically searching for those strong muscles that once existed in my torso region!

*Esplanade, v.: To attempt an explanation while drunk.

*Negligent, adj.: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. I can relate to this, although I do not own any nightgowns... what would be the word for answering the door wearing glasses, flannel pajama pants, with a good case of bed-head and bra-less at 2:00 in the afternoon?

*Lymph, v.: To walk with a lisp.

*Gargoyle, n.: Olive-flavored mouthwash.

*Flatulence, n.: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

*Balderdash, n.: A rapidly receding hairline. Oh Kirk. Wah wah wah.

*Testicle, n.: A humorous question on an exam.

*Rectitude, n.: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

*Pokemon, n.: A Rastafarian proctologist.

*Oyster, n.: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

*Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

*Circumvent, n.: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.