former high-capacity rule-follower trying to make a plan and stick with it

(side bar - please do not judge for it is 2:02 am and i am posting on my blog. can't sleep. no apparent reason. too hot and humid perhaps? it's uncomfortable to sleep when the backs of my knees are sweating.)

please note: this will be a rambling rant. stay with me.

so, kirk and i often talk, with no attempts to disguise our envy, of "high-capacity" people... you know the type: those people who have intense jobs, busy personal lives, loads of kids, perfect yards, and still manage to impeccably renovate their old houses, run 10 miles every morning before dawn, and cook an organic gourmet dinner every day with foods grown and harvested in their own sustainable gardens. ok, i really do not think anyone is that ideal, but my hyperbolous (i know, not a word) description appropriately illustrates the image that i think we all measure ourselves against. anyway, the bit that really causes a twinge of pain in my heart when we talk about such people is that i used to be a high capacity person and somehow lost that version of myself over the past 10 years. here's what i think has occurred:

1. i am not 20.

2. i have "adult" responsibilities now (mortgage, job, graduate school, household projects, retirement fund, the need to "keep an eye" on cholesterol).

3. i've discovered that i'm actually an introvert (for years i got by being outgoing, but really i am totally energized by time by myself and drained of energy when i do not get to be by myself).

4. i learned how to say NO. high capacity mendy cared more about being a people-pleaser than being honest. the new mendy is less afraid of offending people (believe it or not, but i really don't enjoy offending people, i'm just resigned to the fact that i probably will offend at least 5 people every day). former mendy would have agreed to coordinate this, organize that, attend this, pick up that, deliver this, schedule that, and bake 5 dozen cookies by tomorrow for the other thing... that's just not going to work for me anymore. first of all, i don't like to bake all that much. secondly, (see item #3) i don't want to be around people every waking minute of every day. thirdly, being good at planning, organizing, and other administrative duties, and enjoying them are not mutually inclusive. so, with my new self, you can pretty much count on my yes being yes and my no being no; if i say i want to do something, i probably mean it. i wouldn't agree to it otherwise... unless the consequence of saying "no" outweighs the positive effects of not being over-committed.

is this making any sense?? am i the only one that has lost the capacity to be high-capacity??

anyway, 12 years ago, not only was i high capacity, but i was also a rigid rule-follower (goes hand in hand with the people-pleasing thing). i'm not just talking about parental rules, or rules of the road, or the 10 commandments, or constitutional laws... i mean that if a person i respected or a person of authority told me "you should do x, y, and z" i did it. because they told me to. and they know what is best. and if i could not follow the "rule" i would commit myself to penance of regular doses of guilt, shame, regret, and remorse until i felt i had adequately compensated for the failure to comply.

examples:

rule: "you should do devotions every morning"

failure to comply: did not get up until 8:10 am when i have 8:30 am class halfway across town = oh crap! = no bible-reading until 10:00 pm = layer after layer of guilt slathered on my conscience until i have thoroughly shamed myself into having daily morning devotions at least 3 consecutive days!

rule: "you should not swim until 30 minutes after eating"

failure to comply: having to eat lunch was just an annoying distraction from my sole purpose for living as a child in the summer: to spend every daylight hour at the pool. so i usually wolfed down the pb & j, ran like i had ants in my pants to the pool, and cannon-balled into the deep end before 10 minutes had elapsed. result: hypochondriatic cramps in the tummy ("oh no! i'm probably dying because i ate and then swam 10 minutes later!"). cramps more likely due to the child-ulcer caused by feeling guilty for every blasted broken rule!

point being: in any given day, there are so many rules to follow/break and these rules were very important to me. so, if i made a rule for myself i was pretty good at keeping it. plus, i was a high-capacity person back then, so i could juggle quite a few rules before my systems started to shut down.

at some point, i decided to free myself of these stressful ways and began to embrace my rebellious side. this may or may not have been a noticeable change to the outside observer, but for me it was a definitive shift in my thinking. i would say there are a lot of positives that have resulted from this shift. i'm more of a grace-giver (to myself at least, and i like to think i do the same for others) and i've finally allowed myself to receive grace (that's huge, isn't it??), i've experienced new freedom (freedom to do what i'm good/gifted at, not just do what i "should"), i've mellowed out (this is virtually undetectable by anyone not inside my brain), and i'm more honest with myself. all good things.

however, i've noted a few downsides as well, chief among them is my seeming inability to STICK TO A PLAN. it's like i have commitment fears or ADHD or something. i've always been one for plans. i like to look at the big picture and break it down step by step. i like to have a goal and work toward it. i like to have time to prepare, brainstorm, sketch, collaborate, and then attack. but now, i spend time planning and preparing for ___________ (fill in the blank with any scenario... grocery list, lesson plans for school, exercise plan, healthy meals for the week, etc), but fail to follow through with the plan. i plan, but do not execute. or i change the plan mid-course to avoid failure or the discomfort of having to discipline myself. you all know what that is like, right? take new year's resolutions, for example: who among us has not started out with a supremely ambitious resolution, only to fall off the wagon by january 8th and find yourself cleverly revising the resolution?? "no soda" becomes "no soda on weekdays" and then mutates into "no soda on mondays." pretty soon, you're drinking more soda than you were before the cursed resolution was ever uttered!

so now i'm struck with the dilemma: should i keep my plans realistic and overly simplified (dumbed-down, if you will) so that they are achievable? or should i take the risk of saying the thing that i really, ultimately, want to achieve only to look a fool if i cannot accomplish it? and don't tell me that "the answer probably lies somewhere in between." well, thanks, i never thought of that (sarcasm). sure, sure, balance, moderation, whatever, that's the ideal. but if we're honest, we probably spend the majority of our time pin-balling off one extreme or the other.

i have so many things i want for myself (goals) that i'm literally afraid to say out loud, afraid to write them down, afraid to commit to them, because i'm afraid i can't achieve them. i may have been afraid to disappoint people, afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, etc as a 20-year-old, but i NEVER thought that i would not achieve the goals i had set for myself (pardon the double negative). with all the fear, anxiety, stress, insecurity and whatever else i had as a kid, it never occurred to me that i might not accomplish what i said i would do. i was ruthlessly optimistic, maybe a little naive. so, i don't know when exactly that i stopped believing that i could do anything, but that is not a good thing. that's not good fear. how can i tell my students that it's ok to experience failure, not to be afraid of it, because you'll learn from it and it will make you stronger, when i'm afraid to dream for my own self? i think it's the ultimate dilemma, isn't it? it's really impossible to achieve a personal goal that you have not set. i don't want to say it or write it for fear of letting myself down or having to face others that are actually living out their goals/dreams (isn't that the worst?! it's like looking in a mirror of everything you're not! please, you all know you think the same things!). so i could keep on NOT stating my goals, not writing down the plans for how i'm to achieve the goals, and i'll have guaranteed results: i will continue to NOT make any progress towards the fictional, imaginary goals. but, at least i will have met my expectations.

my goals for myself include how i want to spend/save my money, what projects i have in store for my house/yard, places i want to visit or live, what i want for my emotional/behavioral disorder program (EBD program for short, but i never know if people know what in the tarnation i'm talking about when i use all these acronyms!), what sort of eating habits i want to abide by, what i want to look like, what i want to accomplish as a runner, and the list just goes on. i'm sure you all have your own things to add to the list, maybe you're afraid to say it too, maybe not. maybe you're one of those darned high-capacity types that's already living out your dreams as a marathon runner/super-mom/dad/employee-of-the-month/organic gourmet chef who looks like a model and who's home is featured in House Beautiful magazine and who has raised all gifted children and prize-winning pets. in which case, i would like you to please not take it personally that i will not be able to be friends with you any longer. just kidding. no i'm not. ok maybe. not.

so here's the question: how do i make a plan (that i will stick with) for these goals? i don't want to do anything crazy that only lasts for a short while. i don't want to just run one marathon and then flame out. i want to be a runner. i don't want to do a "diet", i want to have healthy habits. kirk and i have a list of "need to do" projects for the house and then we have the "in our dreams" list, so we need to make choices and budget for them, but we also recognize that being good homeowners may mean being willing to spend some money to invest in improving the house. i don't want to make the "rules" for life too rigid to follow, yet i know that to achieve the results i have to make sacrifices. what is the right amount of sacrifice?

these are the questions that have been rattling around in my head and the conversations i've been having lately. my guess is that these are not unique to me. they're not even new revelations to me; they're recycled, revisited, and newly-worded versions of the same conflicts within myself for the past 12 years. i have no great intentions or purpose for sharing them, other than to get them off my chest, have a little fun, find the humor in life, and test the water with my proverbial tippy-toe to see if there are any like-minded people out there asking the same questions and trying to measure up to the same idealized versions of themselves. and i just really could not sleep.

i'm not ok with bill self and other sports thoughts

been a while since i've done a sports post, so i'm due for one i suppose. let's start with the good: here's some of my highlights from this year's NFL postseason. i realize it's a little late, but i've been really swamped with work, school, masters (had to do a video taped lesson... heinous! as soon as the camera's on, a few of my students decided to go insane! good news, i think i'm thinner on camera than i was at this time last year! may be an illusion, was wearing a black shirt. hmmm.). anyway, so every time i had a thought, or a rant, or a favorite sports moment in the past month instead of posting i've just had to set it aside and focus on other things. time to free my thoughts. release the kraken!

i realized that most of my favorite postseason moments this year have been from the NFC teams... odd. well, what else would it have been? matt cassel throwing an interception in the chiefs playoff game? i don't think so. but it's not time for "i'm not ok with that" yet so let's get on with the good stuff.

highlight #1: marshawn lynch's amazing td run for the seahawks! i watched this happening live and i was like "oh wow. oh my gosh, he's still going! Oh NO HE DIDN'T! HE JUST PUSHED THAT GUY RIGHT DOWN! OH MY GOSH!!!! WOW!!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" or something like that. the crappy thing about being the sports genius that i am is that i knew immediately this was an amazing moment in sports, but i didn't blog about it immediately, and then within 2 hours it was ALL OVER THE PLACE, and here i am a month later writing about that one awesome thing that happened that one time. great. still worth another look-see if you ask me.

highlight #2: this is just one measly example of why i chose to root for the packers during the superbowl... because aaron rodgers is the kind of quarterback that i love to watch... gritty, hard-nosed, takes a tackle head on, and doesn't play "scared" when he has already had 2 concussions this season. i don't know if that's just stupid or if it's the smartest thing ever! when you play scared, you get hurt. so what does rodgers do? dives for a rushing td headfirst against the bears in the NFC championship, that's what! note the mini-weight belt celebration at the end. also, i always enjoy a rushing td where the carrier stretches out over the pylon... it's such smart play to use every inch of the field, the entire width, to stretch the defense. check out how deep he runs for this play to develop before he turns for the end zone. i just think it's brilliant.

highlight #3: big fella does a little dance. becomes an instant classic. if this isn't one of my favorite things of all times i don't know what is. no need for explanation, it is what it is...pure awesomeness.

i will not show any highlights from the super bowl. i was glad that the packers won, i've been a packers fan since reggie white, which i realize is still pretty recent history, but i was a kid when his career started so it's where my memory of loving the packers begins. you know, for the same reasons that i like how rodgers plays i find it REALLY hard not to like how ben roethlisberger plays too, but he's just not a very likable person. from a pure sports perspective, though, i would still probably prefer rodgers over big ben because he takes his risks on the field and not in life.

ok, now on to what i'm not ok with this week and that is bill self. i've always held that, while i will never be able to bring myself to root for ku and the fans drive me insane (except holly, she's just great and completely rational in her fandom and she's about the only person that i'm allowed to watch sports with because she won't judge me when i have to say some words), i've always had great respect for bill self as a coach and a person. well, he has been on a slight downward trend in my heart for the past month with how he has chosen to handle, or not handle, the mario little situation and the hot-headed morris twins. first of all, 4 weeks or so ago mario little was arrested for assaulting 4 people. within a few weeks he was back on the court. not only was he back on the court but his playing time mysteriously seemed to increase! not only this, but last week he was on the court scoring 17 points and being named player of the game against rival MU. well, i am simply dumbfounded. a month ago, when self was questioned about the incident of assault, he was defensive and even slightly disrespectful to the female member of the training staff that was assaulted by mario little, saying she wasn't "part of the team, oh but she was 3 weeks ago, oh but she's busy with classes now so she's not working with the team at this time (semantics, bill!), oh but there's no proof she was his girlfriend, but, but, but..." i was irritated at the time, but i thought i would just ignore this irritation because people are misunderstood in the press all the time and maybe bill was just still a little stunned by the news that one of his veteran players just assaulted 4 people. so i cut bill a break. but to see little's minutes go up and to see him getting the recognition and the applause from the fans, and the hoopla... ick. just ick.

so, in that same game, the mizzou game, markieff morris had a flagrant foul for a -not-really-a-punch-kind-of-a-shove directed at the face of an MU player. the broadcasters thought he maybe should have been ejected, i don't know, could go either way. i thought at the very least that he should not have gone back in the game, yet he did. what's more, self didn't even seem to have a problem with morris' dirty play. he didn't yell, didn't glare, didn't seem even all that frustrated that one of his star players almost got ejected and got an unnecessary foul called against him. no, self did not even say a word to markieff about it. not only was it just plain bad sportsmanship on markieff's part, but it's also extremely selfish and completely without regard for his own team! as one of the best players, in a rivalry game that was still a game at the time, you can't afford to risk being ejected! you can't afford to risk sitting the rest of the game. you need to be available for your team and you're not available when you hit a player in the face and get ejected or sit the bench...but wait. he didn't get ejected. and he didn't sit the bench. so i guess it really wasn't selfish play after all, because he must have known that bill wouldn't have the stones to sit him in a big game. yeah i said it. so then i thought, maybe bill just didn't see the not-quite-a-punch-kind-of-a-shove hit. maybe he didn't know how bad it was. maybe he'll watch the tape later and he'll address this in a press conference later this week. maybe he'll suspend morris for a game. i mean they're facing ISU in their next game, they can afford to teach markieff a lesson in that game. surely he'll take this seriously. there have been too many problems with the morris twins crossing the line from aggression to just flat out losing their tempers for self not to treat this with seriousness. i mean, surely he values his integrity as a coach more than he values beating ISU by 50 points. right? RIGHT? well, if you can't tell, i was typing with a very sarcastic tone there. because bill's only response this week was to say that people shouldn't be worried about it, that it looks worse than it really is (REALLY bill?? can you say that it "looks" worse when it has happened more than once in a season? when it has become a bit of a pattern? can you really say that?), and that it's being "addressed." then he went on to sing the praises of the morris twins and how much they've matured. eh???

look, i'm fine with the fact that self may not want to put everything out there in the public eye. i guess. and really, i don't have a MAJOR problem with any one specific event, it's more a problem with the cumulative non-addressing of things, the collective ignoring of things, if you will. because i'm watching my team, my coach, frank martin, get blasted for being tough, for being a disciplinarian, and for having players leave his program because they are too poo-poo-pants to cope with having to share the spotlight and not getting enough playing time. so yeah, i have problem with people NOT having a problem with bill self for doing nothing and i have a problem with people HAVING a problem with frank martin doing SOMEthing. i'm not going to make any snap judgments about self because i've respected him for longer than i've not respected him. but, the recent events are a bit of a crimson flag to me.

p.s. and by the way, freddy asprilla, what the crumb do you expect to happen to your precious playing time when you played like crap every time you were in the game??? really.

p.p.s. you will recall that last year when the doo-doo-diaper ku football and basketball players got into a fight on campus over some gross girl, it was hefty mangino that did nothing of consequence to discipline his team while self came home from the recruiting trail to hold team meetings and discipline his players for their stupidity. so here we are a year later and...

p.p.p.s. i would like to congratulate myself for using words like "poo" and "doo" and "crumb" instead of the more passionate language that i would typically use when i'm not self-editing.

i'm not ok with...

...being good at basketball if it means that KSU will have more games on ESPN being called by dick vitale. he's awful. his voice is awful, his comments are useless, his "diaper dandy" makes me want to surgically remove my ears, and he is off-topic for 90% of the game. if you're calling the game between the #1 and #4 teams in the nation, Duke and KSU, then why are you talking about how KU is such a great team and "keep an eye out for that Selby kid?" does he not know the difference between KU and K-State or does he only know how to talk about the KUs, Dukes, and Tarheels of the world??? i'll take bob knight over dick vitale any day, and he's about the MOST negative person that exists in the world. but, he's actually knowledgeable about the game of basketball and has never uttered the term, "diaper dandy."

...KSU's free throw percentage. what do you do if you're coach martin??? how do you coach free throw shooting at this level? can they spend the entire practice just shooting free throws?? and why has pullen's percentage dropped off? this is strange to me.

...stress fractures. or "beginning of stress fractures," as that is apparently what i have in my right hip on the top of my femur. what am i, 90 years old??? apparently, i've been playing soccer 2-3 times per week, enduring the pain of what i thought was hip bursitis, but is actually a smidge more serious. so, no soccer or running for 6 weeks. awesome. swimming and elliptical trainer it is!

...having to do my final project for my master's program over thanksgiving break. i just want to eat, sleep, swim and elliptisize (not a word you say? i defy you to think of a better word for exercising on an elliptical trainer!), watch football and basketball and wear pajamas for 5 straight days. this plan does not include working of any sort.

...finishing a good book and dreading starting a new book that cannot possibly measure up to the book i've just finished. do you know that feeling? when you've just watched a really good movie or read a really good book and you don't want it to end, but it has ended, so you must move on with your life?? i've a stack of books with which to "move on", but i'm struggling to choose THE one to read next. i'm also in the middle of 3 other books simultaneously, all of which are quality, but it makes for rather slow and/or confusing reading to do things this way. the books i'm presently enjoying: eleanor roosevelt's biography (entirely fascinating so far!), the distant hours by kate morton (who is quickly becoming a favorite author, up there with joanne harris who wrote Chocolate...morton's books are a great blend of all things that intrigue me: british people and history, mystery, flashbacks, and uncovering of characters' pasts), and loose cannons by henry louis gates (harvard professor and expert on race relations and african-american history). anyway, all really interesting books. you'll really never hear me say that "i'm not ok with" anything regarding books, except that moment of finishing a good book and having to start a new one while burdened by the weight of expectations from the previous book.

that's all i'm not ok with this week. all in all a pretty good week. considering that i do have 5 days off of work for thanksgiving break, i am THANKFUL.

failure

i feel like i only ever write about my students when there's something sad, or dramatic, or challenging to report. perhaps it's because i need to process these moments the most and writing is a platform for reflecting. it's not that there's never any good moments to celebrate, i definitely celebrate even the smallest, tiniest of things. but sometimes celebrating can feel a little like bragging. look, basically, i just haven't posted in a few weeks and felt the need to post again and this is what is on my mind, so...

...i feel like i'm failing my students every day. i don't say this because i want or need sympathetic pats-on-the-back from anyone. i'm not asking for that. it's just how i feel almost all of the time and i need my people, my friends and family, to know that i feel it all day long every day. because it's part of me.

the fact is that i can see what my kids need and can't always give it. i've read their histories, i've talked to their doctors, parents, foster parents, case managers, court-appointed guardians, probation officers, etc and there are so many deep and troubling issues that they are dealing with every minute of their days and i KNOW that makes it impossible for them to focus on anything else, least of all algebra and history and ACTs. the fact is that i believe very much in education and the importance of having it and the scandalousness of wasting it, but there's so much more to their lives than what happens at school. i second-guess my interactions with my students all the time; i wonder if i should be teaching my classes differently, structuring my program differently; i wonder if i'm doing what's right for them, should i be more lenient, or less lenient, more flexible, or establish firmer boundaries, give more support, or let them stand on their own more. it's overwhelming to feel this way.

there's not a lot in my students' lives that i have control of. i can't change their pasts, i can't force them to make good choices or make the most of their education, and i can't force them to get enough sleep and eat the right foods and take their medications. i can't fill all the holes in their lives. they need more than i am. i only have a few hours a day, a social development class, the intervention room (the classroom i work in where kids can come get academic help or use as a place to cool down...i call it the "free speech zone" so they can say whatever they need to say without worrying about getting into trouble!), and my ED/BD "program." that's all i can control, and even those things have some parameters that i can't manipulate. so i think i get overwhelmed by trying not to mess up what little i have that i can control. it's that perfectionistic thing...i'm afraid to make a mistake, because i feel like i can't afford it, because there is already too much failure surrounding my students' lives.

sorry if that's depressing. i know i need to do this job and i know i have an opportunity to make it whatever my students need it to be, the ED/BD program, that is. i care about my students and i have to get used to dealing with a lot of sad, frustrating, and irritating situations. sometimes it just gets to me. i guess i just wanted to share that with you guys.

more than the average man...

so apparently, according to some statistic from usa today, the average man watches 3-6 hours of football a week. now, if you're not a football fan, you're probably thinking, "that's a lot of time to spend watching a game!" and you're probably thinking that because you're relating watching of sports to watching regular tv shows, which are 30 minutes to an hour long. so you're thinking, "that's 6 episodes of grey's anatomy" or "that's 3-6 episodes of glee!" but, if you're a football fan, you realize that 3-6 hours is really only 1-2 games a week (although there are only four 15-minute quarters and a 20-minute halftime, you also have to factor in all of the stop time...time outs, between plays, injuries, booth reviews, penalties, etc). first of all, that statistic has GOT to be a big fat lie. second of all, it's now official: i watch more football than the average man.

to my first point, you CANNOT convince me that the average man only watches 1-2 games a week. but, i suppose if you're only counting watching football games, and not factoring in time spent listening to sports radio, checking scores or fantasy football online, and watching other non-football sports, then that statistic may be accurate. to my second point, i think i EASILY watch 3-6 hours of football a DAY on saturdays AND sundays. this should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me, so don't judge. plus, i listen to sports radio whilst (i like that word and have committed myself to using it more frequently) driving to and from school everyday (it's the only way i can manage to stay awake). and i watch at least part of sports center almost every day. i also attend ksu football games. and SOMETIMES i even watch multiple football games at once, channel-surfing between the games that most interest me. i actually rank the games that are playing simultaneously according to my interest level and that is the order by which i rotate through the channels. think i'm troubled yet? i also play sports two evenings per week. i play soccer with a "co-ed" league on wednesdays and a women's league on thursdays. and by "co-ed" i mean 13 men and 1 woman (me...yeah, it takes some amount of courage or moxy or something).

all this has proven to me that i am one big giant freak show. but that's ok. i don't anticipate that is going to change anytime in the near future so we might as well all get comfortable. and i'll get comfortable whilst (haha) cozying up on my couch with football on my tv and the remote in my hand poised to switch to the next game during the commercial break.

flavors...and football follow-up

so, i have been thinking about food for the past few days. oh, who am i kidding, i'm forever thinking about food, a trend that goes back much further than just the past few days. but anyway, i have been thinking about my favorite flavor combinations and realized that many of my favorite flavors utilize the same few ingredients. so i decided to write about my top 10 ingredients. 10 ingredients that i just can't live without; so basic, yet able to be combined in unexpected pairs. or at least unexpected to the lay-cook, with my lay-palate. perhaps not so unexpected to a professional cook's palate. so, here's my top 10 ingredients (and how i typically use them), not in any preferential order:

1. oils: sesame oil and coconut oil are two particular favorites of mine. coconut oil is supposed to be a fairly healthy option, no trans fats. both of these oils have a slightly more interesting taste than your run-of-the-mill canola or cheap-o superstore brand olive oil. i like to use coconut oil to sauté instead of using butter. sesame oil is particularly yummy to use in dishes when no cooking is involved because there are some oils that no one would prefer to taste (or you have to invest in REALLY good, REALLY expensive extra virgin olive oil), but sesame oil has a generally good taste to it. it goes well with asian-inspired dishes and can be combined with soy sauce, toasted sesame seeds, veggies, and noodles (try soba or whole wheat spag noodles + edamame + sesame oil + toasted sesame seeds...mmm.).

2. organic chicken/vegetable broth: choose the low sodium variety so you can salt to taste; this is just a good basic ingredient to keep in your pantry at all times; use to make soups, chicken pot pie, or steam veggies, quinoa, or rice for a little more flavor.

3. fruit: i love most fruits...and even my favorite "veggies" happen to be fruits (squash, avocado, tomato). i like dried fruits, fresh fruits, cooked fruits, grilled fruits, fruit-pies, fruit salad, fruit-in-my-cereal...you name it. i like fruits with savory foods, like pork chops or chicken, or dried cherries or golden raisins in a curried rice dish, or fruit in a spinach salad with feta cheese and almonds, avocado and tomato salad (with simple salt and pepper), avocado with eggs, home-made guacamole, or grilled peaches and plums with cinnamon, sugar, cayenne (see spices), and topped with vanilla ice cream. delightful.

4. pasta: there's just so much you can do with pasta; it's easy to feed a lot of people on a little pasta; it's easy to cook, easy to experiment, good with a glass of red wine, and a little sprinkling of parmesan on top (see cheeses). i love to cook a bowl of pasta and toss in yesterday's leftovers from the grill (grilled chicken and veggies) with a little splash of oil and sprinkling of cheese.

5. eggs: another easy meal. scrambled with a soft cheese (my mom dad used to always make scrambled eggs with cream cheese...so good), fluffy omelette with peppers, onions and avocado or mushrooms and thyme, crepes with steaming blueberries and brie (see fruit and cheeses), or french toast (if you haven't had my french toast, you should come over for breakfast sometime!). our neighbors have hens, so we try to either use their eggs or we buy eggs from cage-free, grain-fed hens at the grocery. you'll notice a difference in taste. more flavorful. i hope this isn't bragging, but i'm rather good at cooking eggs. sometimes we'll go out for breakfast and there's really not an egg dish on any menu that i could not cook better. largely because eggs taste best hot off the skillet, not heated under a warmer while waiting for the rest of the order to fill.

6. spinach: spinach is my go-to green. we always keep it on hand for salads or to chop up and add to almost any dish to add extra nutrients! if you can't tell, i'm not a huge veggie-lover (unless you count my fruit-veggies!), so any way to add extra veggies into my diet is a must. I chop it finely and add to pasta dishes, omelettes, and my chicken pot pie. i don't particularly love cooked spinach but when you chop it in fine ribbons it doesn't clump quite so much. also, try adding it to hot dishes at the very last second so it does not completely wilt.

7. cayenne pepper/spices: i love all spices, especially cinnamon, nutmeg, and cayenne. i use these three in almost everything, sometimes all together! cayenne + dark chocolate (thank you mexico!) is one of my favorite flavor combos. i also add cayenne to fruit salads and eat with a good soft cheese. i sprinkle cinnamon on frying bacon (no joke!) or add nutmeg to creamy pasta dishes (i know, sounds strange, but it's good...promise). the key is not to over-do-it. in the mornings i usually make a chocolate protein powder + soy milk + cinnamon + cold coffee shake for myself so that i can consume my breakfast while driving to work, thus allowing myself to hit the snooze button one last time.

8. thyme/basil: i've been fairly successful growing herbs (fingers crossed!) so i enjoy adding them into just about everything. i have two flavors of thyme growing right now (one variety that i got from my mom's garden is a little bit lemon-y). basil makes a good addition to a toasty panini sandwich!

9. cheese: top 3 cheeses for me are brie/camembert, feta, and parmesan. but i also love blocks of cheddar, mozzerella, etc. no stinky cheeses for me, though. there's almost too much to say about cheeses. i honestly don't think i could live without them. cheese makes everything better. trying to eat more salads? no problem, just add feta. what would pizza be without cheese?? cheese makes my world go 'round. ok, that's just a little overly dramatic.

10. honey: a good substitute for sugar. add to fruit salads, grilled fruit, oatmeal, or marinades for pork or chicken. one of my favorite breakfasts is toasted walnut sage bread (from Wheatfields in downtown Lawrence), with a little bit of brie cheese and honey.

so, that was my top 10 ingredients list. if you haven't tried some of those ingredients, you really should. i don't really do recipes (i just kind of eye-ball it!) but if you want to know how i cook something, just leave a comment.

here are a few cookbooks i've picked up recently. In the Kitchen with a Good Appetite includes recipes with lots of fun stories and tips from the author, Melissa Clark. her approach to food seems to be similar to mine: keep it simple, but still interesting. she also has an entire chapter about breakfast foods for dinner (clearly i feel the same, particularly about eggs!) and another entire chapter devoted to cheese (hello!). Everyday Italian features a lot of great pictures so that i can get inspiration from photographs instead of having to read a recipe! i tend to like picture-cookbooks! the last book is a little gem i found in 1/2 Price Bookstore printed in 1963 featuring recipes and cooking techniques/trends throughout the ages in European history...pretty fascinating! i'll probably NEVER cook anything from this book, but it is still very interesting to me!

ok, in keeping with my recent trend of bipolar-blogging (that's the term i've coined for my range of unrelated blogging topics): i will now discuss my thoughts about ku football to follow up on my take on turner gill from last weekend. i have to say, i am utterly stumped. i have no words. i cannot fathom how a team that lost at home to a 1-AA team, who wasn't even able to score a single touchdown, managed to beat the 15/17th ranked Georgia Tech yellow jackets! it makes no sense at all. i still stand by my opinion that coaches should not name a starting quarter back one week and bench the same QB in a knee-jerk reaction to a loss that cannot be entirely pinned on said QB. but, i have to admit that, in this case, it appears that switch made a difference for ku this week. what i cannot understand is: did jordan webb suddenly show up in practice this past week, only after kale pick was dumped as starter? or was he always that good and the coaching staff erroneously decided to start kale pick for some unknown reason? sure, he's more experienced. sure, jordan webb's a redshirt freshman. but i just cannot believe that there was such a discernible difference that only became apparent after that hideous showing against NDSU in KU's opening game. turner gill opted to start webb, but still gave kale pick some playing time against GTech...i think probably just to maintain diplomatic relations with kale should he have any need to go back to him as starter. so, i guess i will withhold judgment for now, because, honestly, i just do not know what to expect. i felt like my predictions were pretty safe last week. no one seems to be able to explain that quick of a turn around, so neither will i. it defies logic.

i am NOT ok with that (sports edition)

i am thinking of starting a new strand of posts called "i am NOT ok with that" in which i can voice my protests over certain preferred topics. for example, today's edition of "i am NOT ok with that" will feature my thoughts on happenings in the sports world this past week (psst! friends of mine that are not so interested in sports: please do read it, i think there will be enough entertainment for all! or at least have your sports-minded spouses/siblings/friends read and comment!). in the future, though, there will surely be other editions featuring my thoughts on education, books, music, movies, and other categories. so, i need some feedback. what do you think of the title for these posts? those of you who know me well and talk to me often know that i frequently say things such as "that's a deal-breaker!" or "that's a problem for me!" or "i am NOT ok with that!" so i wanted to stick with a title that is befitting my typical lingo. i also considered the title "what's wrong in the world of ___" but that seems too similar to nick wright's sports radio segment called "what's wrong with nick wright." so, weigh in. shall i stick with the current title, or do you prefer one of the other options?

onto the rant. this week, i am not ok with:

1. carson coffman (ksu QB) - i am not saying that i will NEVER be ok with coffman, or that i think synder should bench him (let's not be as hasty as coach gill please). but for this week, i am not ok. i am not ok with his shoddy footwork and half-hearted 3-step drop (which really is more of a 2-step shuffle). i am not ok with coffman holding onto the ball instead of throwing out of bounds or through the back of the endzone when a play is busted. i am not ok with passes behind, above, or at the knees of wide open receivers. i'm just saying.

2. turner gill (ku football coach) - it's not that i didn't thoroughly (and devilishly) enjoy ku's miserable loss to a 1-AA (or whatever it's called this year) NDSU team...because i did. it's not even that i don't like gill for mangino's successor because frankly he is more disciplined and less offensive than mangino. it's that he couldn't just admit that saturday's 6-3 loss AT HOME was plain bad. he gave us coach-speak. he said, "it's just one game. it's the first game." excuses! just call a spade a spade! it was atrocious! if you can't say that the game was bad it's like saying that you're ok with that kind of loss if for the sake of progress and i can't think of any ku fan or big XII fan that thinks that loss is ok. gill's response to the game made me all the more appreciative of coaches that are willing to address the bad and the good equally. coach gill, it's ok to say that "this loss stinks!" because it did. and what's more, gill followed up the stinky loss, and empty, meaningless post-game comments with the hasty decision to bench kale pick (QB) and start webb in his place. my opinion: what's the harm in having pick start for at least another week? you're playing Georgia Tech (#15) this week; no one expects ku to win, let's see what kind of fire that pathetic loss may light under pick's butt. see if he progresses, see if he learned anything from that humiliation. why stick webb out there as a lamb for slaughter? then you'll have two ruined quarterbacks. but he didn't ask for my opinion on the matter.

3. misogynistic callers-in to sports radio shows. ignorant listener on the nick wright show today said, and i quote, that he hates that when women call into the show they automatically get bumped to the front of the queue and they never have anything good to say and how he despises having to watch his precious sports with women and how he wishes that women would just shut up and get him another beer. no lie. no exaggeration. he actually said it. nick's response: "well, that was borderline sexist! and by borderline i mean completely crossing the line!" thanks, nick. do i really need to explain why this particular item made my rant list for the week? i'm not even going to spend time or space defending my honor. i defy sexist caller-in guy to find a sports topic for which he is more knowledgeable than i. defy. i'll show him where he can put his beer. grrr.

4. daniel thomas having NO chance to win the heisman trophy. i promise i am not just being a giant homer, i'm always try to have some objectivity. after a 235-yard effort against a BCS conference team in UCLA, thomas was 12th on the list of heisman candidates. listed ahead of him: alabama's ingram, who is not even currently PLAYING after knee surgery and is unsure of his return date, and a mixture of other players that had impressive stats against some impressive and some not-so-impressive opponents. and this week, national heisman voters will not even have a chance to watch thomas destroy missouri state's defense because the game will not be televised. not only is ksu's game not televised, neither is missouri, nebraska (only on pay-per-view), texas a & m, and oklahoma state, and texas tech is only showing locally. the big XII cannot expect to have a viable heisman candidate now or in the near future (unless said candidate is from texas or oklahoma) and cannot expect to be taken seriously as a conference if it can't figure out a way to get it's teams' games on tv. for now it's more tales of woe and pity about how the midwest is ignored, underestimated, and underrepresented in the national media...well no wonder.

5. billy ray cyrus. the chiefs' big plans for unveiling the new arrowhead stadium on their home-opener on monday night football on national television is...billy ray cyrus? what?? country music is bad enough. but then, you can't even find a current country singing star?? i'm sorry, billy ray cyrus may have shed the permed mullet (aka permllet...yeah, kyle hutson, you know what i'm talking about) but he's still got a shorter version of a mullet back there and he is still the culprit behind achey breaky heart. seriously, chiefs?? is that the best you've got?? arg.

i think that's enough for now. have a good weekend! go cats!

staying (or getting back) in shape post-20's and football

if you'll allow me to rant a bit...

sometimes a good rant is in order because you have no one to be mad with but yourself and you can't really row with yourself without looking crazy so you have to just put it out there and hope someone identifies with and understands you. and you hope that you won't be judged for thinking extreme thoughts and feeling exaggerated feelings about something that is not all that uncommon and relatively insignificant. so here we go:

probably more frustrating than accepting my post-20's-now-in-my-30's flabbier self is that i can't physically DO what i want to do, and envision myself doing. because even if i am unhappy with how i look or what size i wear or whatever cliche thing that almost all women in their 30's think toward themselves, i think that if i could still run miles and miles, or play a full soccer game on a full-sized pitch, or confidently play pick-up soccer and basketball with "the guys" like i used to do without much effort, that maybe i wouldn't feel quite so defeated. it's difficult enough to "get oneself back" without adding to it the new and unfamiliar challenges of achey knees, plantar fasciitis, hip bursitis, jiggling belly, rubbing-together legs, sweat-from-strange-places, and what feels like weight-induced asthma (did i make that up?? i've heard of allergy-induced asthma and seasonal asthma, both diagnoses which i have claimed, but now i'm certain it's just extra-flab-induced asthma). sorry if that is too graphic. but it's terribly uncomfortable to try to do the same activities i have always loved with extra poundage. i used to run with my mom (who is 5'3" to my 5'6") in high school and we always bickered about who should set the pace because my stride was longer and quicker than her little legs would manage (but she always outlasted me...classic tortoise and hare). i miss that stride. i liked that stride. now i shuffle instead of running. i plod. plod plod plod. (onomatopoeia).

last weekend i had a particularly defeating attitude. i was wallowing. i couldn't seem to get myself moving and i made terrible food choices all weekend long. when, finally, i peeled myself off of the couch and went for a run on sunday evening after thinking about running all weekend long and everyday the previous week, i realized as i plodded along how much more difficult i am making it for myself! i got mad at myself. i was mad in a good way, the kind of mad that makes me DO something...anything! kirk and i went running again on monday or tuesday and i was complaining (poor kirk) about how difficult it was and how frustrating, blah, blah. he was trying to comfort me, saying "at least we're doing something, it's better than nothing." i stopped him. i told him i don't want to be comforted, i don't want to feel good about where i am right now. i don't want to feel good about shuffling. i don't want to feel good about only being able to run a few miles when that is so far from my goal (if you're not a runner, i know you're thinking a few miles sounds good, but if you're a runner you know how much it stinks to run fewer than 3 miles and struggle through the whole process! if you're not a runner, think about something you like to do and are good at and think about how it feels to do less than you expect of yourself...it stinks). i don't want to be comfortable. comfortable is what has gotten me here. "comfortable" is what makes me want to eat things that aren't good for me and avoid vegetables. it's not comfortable to eat grilled chicken and salad after a rough day at work. it's more comfortable to eat pizza. it's not comfortable to get up early to run, it's more comfortable to sleep later. it's not comfortable to discipline oneself, it's not comfortable to sweat, and run up hills, and sprint the last 2 blocks, and push yourself, and it's not comfortable to be sore the next day...but i love that. it's not comfortable to face my disappointment with myself and a closet full of 2-sizes-too-small clothing that hasn't been worn in years. it's comfortable to avoid and justify and make excuses and it's comfortable to just keep eating too much, drinking soda, and scarfing yummy unhealthy food so that i don't have to think about changing myself. no, i definitely don't want to be comfortable.

i wonder...does anyone else think about things like this??

anyway. so for now, i'm going to let myself stay mad. mad mendy. beware.

now, on to fun things: football!

i'm going to manhattan for the opening game of the 2010 ksu season. woopwoop. i honestly do not know what to expect because the media predictions are for k-state to be in the middle of the big XII north. but, as ever, bill snyder has

been elusive and vague about his expectations for the team, waiting until the 11th hour to name carson coffman the starting QB (provoking questions as to whether there was actually competition for the spot or snyder was merely electing not to reveal all of his cards, so to speak). there is great anticipation for thomas to have a record-setting season, but what will this look like in an era of spread offenses? is thomas our only viable offensive threat? as for the game this weekend, we face a UCLA that went to a bowl game last year but is only returning one starter from that team. most people are counting k-state out in this game, but i think we may have a chance (eek. i hate making predictions) and here's why: home field advantage, opening day, bill snyder (he notoriously keeps a few unsung talented players tucked up his sleeve and out of the media's scrutinizing eye), thomas, and an inexperienced UCLA team. no guarantees. just possibilities.

a little sports rant

p.s. this is a pre-script (as opposed to a post-script). please, please, check out my previous post about the river to well photo competition and, if you so choose, weigh in on which 3 photos i should submit. ok, the important thing is to please submit your own photos to river to well because the more submissions, the more $ goes toward building wells in south africa, which is really important.

on to sports: like a good little journalist, i frequently abstain from all that i really want to say about sports because i know my "audience." and by audience, i mean the 3 friends that actually check my blog + my mom and dad and sister (to whom i am having to constantly re-email the link to the blog because they always forget that it exists...it's called bookmarking! hello!). anyway, the reality is that i could spend a good amount of time talking about sports. if you were to ask me, at any given time of day, what i'm thinking about, it's probably one of the following: 1) dream team of former ksu football players 2) who i would start this year if i were coach snyder 3) my top 10 sporting events that i would love to attend in my lifetime 4) brett favre and ken griffey, jr (sorry, kirk, but i've had a massive sports crush on them for longer than i've known you, so...) and 5) how awesome it would be if frank martin was a teacher/administrator at my school. i'm sorry, it's who i am. but my "audience," as it were, is mostly family and college friends and a few other friends that are just nice. i feel like maybe these people just wants to read a little mendy-blog, not a sports-blog, so that is why i abstain (did you follow the stream of consciousness???).

anyway, today will be a sports-bloggy day, so if that is not your cup-o-blog, you should probably just.....keep reading because you are my friend and it's the nice thing to do. but you could also have your husband/boyfriend/sporty-wife/dad/sporty-sister read. i don't know, do what you want. i'm kinda funny and i'm cracking myself up right now. hahahaha.

ok, so nick wright (610 sports) was talking on today's "what's right with nick wright" show about the 9 components that make a super bowl-quality football team. if i were actually a good little journalist i would probably do a little research to find out if this is his idea or if he was commenting on someone else's "top 9" but i'm not really a journalist, i'm a teacher, so i did no research. the 9 components i think can also apply to bcs-quality teams in college football. they are as follows:

1. a top 8 QB

2. an above average offensive line

3. a premier running back

4. a reliable and accurate kicker (hello - martin gramatica - ksu football dream team!)

5. a standout secondary player in the defense

6. a standout defensive front 7 player

7. a defensive line that can stop the run

8. a coaching staff with an overall positive effect (not necessarily the same as a "good" coach - more emphasis on the effect of the whole staff on the dynamics of the team... probably "good" coaching is more important for college football purposes since there is so much teaching to be done)

9. a significant home field advantage

so, nick, being a good little journalist, had done the research, and went back over years of super bowl teams and found that, although no team ever had all 9 components, to be in contention they had at least 6 or 7. i'll take his word for it.

this little formula should make it really easy for athletic departments/NFL owners to evaluate their teams and say, "ok, what do we have that's solid? what are we developing? what do we need???" the chiefs, in all their blundering idiocy the past few years, are actually not too far off from having 6 of these 9 components. here's what we have pretty solidly (this is according to nick wright, but i found myself thinking the EXACT same things just before he said them...typical.): running back - jamal charles, kicker - succup (not too shabby), coaching staff - after the changes this off season - definitely a move in the right direction, home field advantage - arrowhead has always had a good fan base, even when they're in the depths of despair. so there's 4 of the 9.

then, we are close, but not quite there, on a few components: defense - brandon flowers? can he be that standout secondary guy? not sure. not no. but not yes either. and we drafted eric berry with the #5 pick this year, so there are high hopes, but he's not proven and he'll take some time to learn. i still think glenn dorsey could be the real thing on our D-line, he just had a little "issue" with the coaches last year and didn't get much early playing time. but when he did, he definitely stood out on defensive (in a good way). and then jackson is another defensive end. so, it's like, we could be ALMOST there with the secondary and defensive line standouts, but not quite there. once we're "there," that 6 of the 9.

finally, the major holes? offensive line and QB. those are two pretty major holes, if you ask me. i'm going to make the case that you have to have at least one of these two to be successful. i don't think your "6" components can be without both a QB and an O-line. so, in that regard, i don't think this little "6 of the 9" formula holds up, i guess. i mean, we've seen good, hall-of-fame QBs look hideous because they're constantly on their backs or running out of the pocket when that's not a strength (oh, my dear b favre, i hate to say it, but it's so true). and we've seen O-lines holding up the pocket all day long and QBs that can't make decisions or have no arm or throw flat or have bad footwork or crap for timing or whatever, so it doesn't really matter how much time they have. they could have all the time in the world and they're still eric crouch (oooh. little nebraska dig. hehe.) or jamarcus russell. it's just a heckuva lot of pressure on either of those 2 components if the other one stinks.

so, i guess i'm saying that the chiefs could have their 6 components, but i still don't see them being able to compete with the ravens/vikings/saints/colts for the duration of the season and throughout the playoffs, as long as they don't have either a good QB or a better O-line. truthfully, i think that O-line component should probably be worth two points. let's just go ahead and make it a 10-component list. if you have that O-line component, then you could get by with an average to above average QB (sorry, still not eric or jamarcus...they're the worst!). maybe matt cassel could look like a top 8 QB with the right O-line. but for now, this pairing doesn't do much for me and it sure doesn't do much for the chiefs trying to move forward. for this year, i guess we're going to have to hope that the addition of charlie weiss on the coaching staff will result in a huge (no pun intended), miraculous improvement in one or the other, or else we're going to be only a few shades of red and obnoxious-yellow different from last year's debacle of a team.

there's my rambling rant. i'll try to get back to flowers, decorating, gardening, reading, photos, and other mendy-bloggy things so that i don't lose my few friend-readers that i have out of sheer sports-talk induced coma boredom.

more on ksu football

i know you've been waiting for it... my analysis of the ksu game to open the 2009 season.  yes, i have a few opinions.  first of all, let me say, i'm not disappointed.  i feel like there's a lot to improve upon, but, as i mentioned in my previous ksu football post, that is a mark of a bill snyder team.  so, we can pretty much guarantee that our boys in purple spandex will improve.  simple thing to ask for, yet somehow so elusive in the prince years.  

 

so, special teams:  good at times.  i felt like our tackling, getting downfield to cover the return game, was good.  we made tackles on first contact.  also an elusive skill last year.  however, on kickoffs, the kicker has some decisions to make:  as a kicker you have one of two jobs:  either put the ball through the back of the end zone or hang it in the air for a significant enough hang time that the really fast guys can get downfield and tackle the guy with the ball as soon as he touches it.  well, we did neither on saturday.  our boy couldn't reach the end zone once. and when he tried to get it to the end zone by line driving the ball all he did was prevent the special teams from making a tackle below the 20 yard line.  

i thought our offense did ok.  yeah we made some mistakes, yeah we turned it over a couple of times, yeah we had almost no passing game.  here's why i'm not worried about those things yet.  one, coffman was nervous.  that'll work itself out.  two, we have some insurance in our back up QB, he's fast, he's a runner, and he's a bill snyder type of QB.  three, we ran the option!  i know, i know.  but i love the option.  and we ran it pretty well.  i think coffman has a good feel for the option and i think we have the players to pull it off.  four, we WILL have a passing game... it just wasn't there last saturday.  we will have tight end options and brandon banks will not always have a bad game, like he did last week.  he was rough last week, no doubt.  that will not always be the case.  fifth, our running game was good.  and we pretty much ONLY ran it up the middle, but we still dropped over 200 yards on UMass.  we had a good team of backs and we really didn't even use our fullback option.  snyder is notorious for not showing all of his cards up front.  we ran a limited number of plays and we will add to our repertoire as the season progresses.  the turnovers will clean up as the season progresses.  i feel ok about offense.  

defense, to be honest, didn't stand out one way or the other.  the times that UMass scored were odd occasions, once on a special teams play and once after a quick turn around.  the only score their offense truly earned was a field goal.  we gave up a few big plays, but we also held them to a field goal in the red zone.  i give us a passing grade. 

as i mentioned in my earlier post, i'm not discouraged because i don't think we are going to peak here.  it's unlike a snyder team to allow these same mistakes to continue to happen.  i think we had a lot to learn from from saturday's game which is all you can ask for in a non-conference game.  

my response to an email from a friend giving me a hard time about ksu football.  he asks me about my opinion of bill snyder returning to coach at kstate and if the hall of fame will not only wait, but never materialize as a result.  i said:

snyder cannot coach himself out of the hall.  brett favre will still be a hall of famer despite the lunacy of his present choices.  bill and brett can't undo the amazing things they have done in the past, no matter how much of a circus they decide to let their careers turn into in the future.  bill snyder took a team that was ranked 113 (out of 112 teams... no lie.  Wichita State University had an accidental higher ranking in football than KSU in the late '80's... accidental because WSU did not have a football team at the time... [is that really true, or is it a tale of legend and lore???  oh well.  it works for making my point]). he led them to 16 successful seasons, a #1 ranking, and BCS bowl games.  that's incredible no matter what happens in the upcoming seasons.  it is still known as one of the best turn arounds in history.  that won't change.

as for how things will go in the new snyder era:  this is why i am not counting him out:  

1.  a mark of a bill snyder team is discipline, fundamentals, and more discipline.  that is what KSU is lacking, so increasing the discipline can only lead to improvement.  

2.  another mark of a bill snyder team is progressive, even if slow, improvement.  one thing you always could count on was improvement from one season to the next, one game to the next, and one quarter to the next.  snyder's teams climbed the rankings each season and with each game.  ron prince's team did the opposite.  ron prince had a game plan that involved a lot of trick plays that surprised teams, even really good teams (UT), in the first half of a game.  but he made no halftime adjustments and his teams became increasingly worse as the 2nd half droned on.  they made more and more mental mistakes, penalties, predictable plays that led to turnovers... these things are rare with a bill snyder team.  i expect that, even if our record does not indicate as such, we will see marked improvement as the season progresses and i'm ok with that for this season and maybe next.

3.  and this is why i think bill will be able to have "success" in upcoming seasons (whether that's bowl eligibility, big 12 north champions, or...), bill does not have to be the best or strongest "link" on the field.  he has brought in some amazing coaches to his staff including the offensive coordinator from last year's successful utah team and jo bo clements from ku.  bill knows that his teams are only as strong as the coaches around him.  he does not try to make himself bigger by keeping everyone around him "small time."  there are a lot of big time coaches that were assistants under snyder before and he's staying with that pattern.  he knows that he's older and up against a lot of odds... again.  he knows what it's like to be in this position.  in fact, he's dug himself out of even deeper holes before and he did it by bringing in strength and talent in the coaches around him.  ron prince was afraid of bigger and better talent on the coaching staff.  this threatened him.  he had to make himself the central element and the strongest link and he did not have a coaching staff to fall back on when his inexperience showed.  

4.  part of ksu's problem has been really poopy (not the word i used originally, but i'm censoring myself) ADs since the previous bill snyder era.  snyder will not go for this.  he will demand excellence on that level as he does with his coaches and he has the clout to make it happen.  for f-s (really did just say f-... not the actual word) sake, he's the reason we have a damn (not really that bad of a word... right?) equestrian team.  in the early '90's before ksu football brought in a profit, bill demanded an indoor practice facility and stadium renovations.  this was before anyone knew what he was capable of doing and everyone thought he was a crazy man for those demands.  but, he knew that is what it would take to build a program that could compete and to bring in recruits... and it worked.  he knows how to get it done.

i can't make any predictions about what bill snyder will do, but there's comfort in knowing that this is how he will build the program.  snyder loves being the underdog.  he really has nowhere to go but up and no one is paying any attention to ksu this year.  this is perfect for him to be able to teach and coach and turn things around gradually.  

ksu rant

here is an excerpt from a recent email exchange with a good friend and fellow aspiring football commentator, thomas casper. i wanted to post it because i finally found my voice about what is going on with the cats!

the big difference between Snyder resurrecting a dead program (in the 90's) and Prince in this current era is defense and strength. with Snyder we got better as the game went on, as the season went on, and each year we were a little better than last! we did this on the backs of unknown recruits that he shaped into tough players. he took guys who would have been walk-ons anywhere else and made them great, especially defensively. for several years we didn't have the clout to recruit top QB's and offensive "stars" so we played our butts off on defense. right now, we get worse as the game progresses, we look tired and weak and small. i don't see us growing with each game and each season like we did with Snyder, even if only in small baby steps. to me, going 6-6 isn't really an improvement on last year's 5-7 if we aren't better at the end of the season than we started. i think a new defensive coordinator and a new strength coach is a start, but probably just a band-aid to the bigger problem of head coach. if Prince can't bring in good coaches around him, it doesn't matter if he's actually a football genius (one could argue that you're only as genius as the people you bring around you...hmmm, that applies politically, too!).

i saw that BYU went down to TCU last night! hmmmm (said with pondering voice) [Thomas asserts that coach Patterson of TCU would make a good replacement, should Prince leave KSU]

regarding the students and fans bailing out early in games, i am torn. on the one hand, i hate seeing the students give up so easily. kids these days! they are so entitled! they don't know how exciting it is to see a team go from worst to first. wimps! on the other hand, it really communicates to the administration that change needs to happen. if people would stop going to chiefs' games maybe carl peterson would finally get the well-deserved can!

blogging dilemmas and life update

so, i've been a horrible blogger, just as i predicted. i can't remember the last time that i emptied my camera memory card into the computer so that i would have new pics to post...so, i've just avoided posting new blogs! i tried blogging about ksu football, but it is so depressing i can hardly speak, or i could go on for miles and miles of ranting, but i'm trying to edit myself. i avoided blogging about politics, even though i have a lot to say on the subject, but decided to inject a little political sarcasm directed at cindy mccain's outfit...then realized that even that might be offensive to people. i also have realized that i don't even really enjoy talking about politics with anyone other than kirk because my politics are a reflection of my world view...and to talk about them opens the door to people debating and disputing my world view...which hurts much worse than just an innocent little political discussion. this has left me with little to blog about!

then i realized: part of the reason i haven't been a faithful blogger is because i am just really stinking busy! 1) summer is over, school has started and all my emotional energy is focused on the students and my coworkers. 2) i began working on my masters in special ed last spring and have reinstated my teaching license. i am currently taking classes and looking for teaching jobs simultaneously. 3) we brought home another cat from the hutson farm...named percival! again, great place to post a picture of him, but it's been months since i have added new pics to the computer! 4) our trip to south africa is finally going to happen!! we will be there nov. 19-30...not only have we been busy making plans, but i am running out of days to avoid getting my vaccinations! those who know me know my position on shots! 5) we bought a house in august and have been working on a variety of projects including painting, sanding, cleaning, tearing out, re-wiring, and landscaping! again, great time for pics of the house (see mention of picture dilemma above).

so, yeah. i'm a little busy. all good stuff. all very exciting. but busy.

and conservatives are concerned about Obama's big-spending, higher taxes government?!?!

if you are a regular reader and you do not want to hear my liberal rant for a few lines, PLEASE DO NOT READ ON! i have refrained from politics so far because it can be so touchy. this is just a little sarcastic humor (but also a bit serious) directed at mccain. i do not want to offend anyone, but this is MY blog which is kind of like an extension of my brain, so there's been fair warning.

thank you tim for alerting me to this! i don't know why some people are concerned about obama's government spending and big liberal government! check out the price tag on cindy mccain's outfit. outfit. not house, not amount donated to help AIDS orphans or Katrina victims, not amount donated in college scholarships for future educators or underprivileged students. outfit. one outfit. one. ok you get it. check it out. was it worth it? does she look like $300,000 bucks to you? not to mention the cost of getting her hair, nails, botox, faux tan, waxing and lipo done for the event. ok. now i'm just getting ugly. i'll stop. it speaks for itself. oh, and also the price for the limo she probably rode in to get to the event and the private jet she took to get to the limo to get to the event....

Cindy McCain
Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000
Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500
Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000
Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000
Shoes, designer unknown: $600
Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100

training camp week...and ken griffey, jr.

to my friends who do not give a rat's behind about sports but love me and my crazy-competitive-sports-analyst self: please forgive the following ranting blog. you all know me...no need to explain.

i would like to take a moment to celebrate that it is training camp week for the NFL. this means that football season is officially beginning. important news from training camp thus far: the chiefs, sadly, are not going to be very good. we are not surprised. and jared allen is causing problems [refusing to practice, threatening to cause harm to chief's offensive linemen if he is forced to practice, etc.]. um, quit being a giant man-baby. secondly, my favorite of all time, brett favre has been reduced to a very unfortunate, non-starting, starting QB. sad.

on other sports news, my ken griffey, jr. has been traded from the Cincy Reds to the White Sox. this is devastating. although i wanted to live and teach in south chicago, this does not make me a Sox fan. in fact, i loathe konerko and pierzynski. i wish they would go away. now i am torn. can you love the player and hate the team? can you want griffey, jr. to continue to be amazing yet hope for his team to meet their pennant demise? oh the agony.

disclaimer: to all of you who think that i am just a band wagon jumper who loves only the big name celebrity athletes....i have been a favre fan since the first time i saw him run head first into an on-coming linebacker like a fullback in a QB's body. this was before he was a celebrity...this is what made him a celebrity. griffey, jr. has pretty much always been a celebrity [due to the name "griffey"], but i have loved him from the beginning, since the mid-90's, at least. so, give me some credit. no, i did not just become a football fan because of fantasy football. i despise fantasy football. i spit on it. i listen to sports talk radio. i know that most of the radio personalities are men, and men who think that women only became interested in football because of fantasy football. i do not fall into this category. i've been a sports fan my whole life. amen.