frozen

here's a few shots from our yard this morning.  may i remind you that it is almost april???  god knows that i am trying to grow things (other than weeds) in my yard and he is trying to thwart me, i know it.  god smote my yard.  

(side note...kirk doesn't like that i didn't capitalize "god"... don't be offended... i don't capitalize anything.  it's not that i am ignorant of these basic conventions... or that i'm trying to minimize god... i'm just lazy.  i don't think god minds.)

anyway, much like my yard, i am feeling a little "frozen."  i see so many people my age that seem to have a real zest for life, pursuing their dreams, discovering themselves and their gifts for the first time, deepening their relationships with each other and with god... i feel very much on the outside of this phenomenon.  it's nobody's fault but my own, i suppose.  i don't know, did anyone else find that turning 30 left you feeling unmotivated, disappointed, and a smidge hopeless??  i have to believe it's not just me.  

i'm just not responding to life, aging, change, the unknown, very well.  i know what type of person i would want to be, i know what kinds of qualities i want to be characterized by, i know what kinds of activities i want to spend my time on... but this "mendy" is so far from the actual mendy.  i told kirk tonight that i feel discouraged by how much it would take to "right the ship."  

a quote from henri nouwen that i read recently that i found to be encouraging to me:  "keep returning to the road of freedom:  when suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair.  your healing is not a straight line.  you must expect setbacks and regressions.  don't say to yourself, 'all is lost.  i have to start all over again.'  this is not true.  what you have gained, you have gained... try to think instead as being pulled off the road for a while.  when you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started."

this is important to me, as i need to remember that tomorrow is a fresh opportunity to begin anew, to begin doing things that make me feel alive, even if i failed to do them yesterday (like running, praying, connecting with close friends, pursuing kirk, loving people, loving my students, being patient with co-workers, eating healthy food, serving people other than myself and for no personal gain, reading, taking photos, playing the piano, getting plenty of sleep, waking up early, listening to music, etc).  

well.  those are my thoughts.  

grody

i used the word "grody" for the first time since perhaps 4th grade the other day. i don't even know how to spell it. but, i used it in reference to myself. i got sick on friday, so suddenly and so dramatically that i have not left my house since friday afternoon. i showered today for the first time since thursday (yeah, i went to work and didn't shower on friday, so what?). that was the longest that i had been standing up since i was at work on friday. i have gone through a box and a half of tissue and a roll of toilet paper since saturday morning. there is only one word to describe me: grody.

p.s. i am getting ready to venture out of the house for the first time in four days...don't be too impressed. i am going to dillons to get some meds. i live a block from dillons. and i'm not wearing a bra.

finally...the third and final leg of our SA trip...the Transkei

Thanks to my new computer (remember the "blue screen of death?" It proved to be the catalyst for buying a new mac!), I am finally able to tell you about the final leg of our trip to SA. After our time in Jo-burg, we flew down to East London, where we were met by Daniel and Kristi on Thanksgiving day. They are from the KC/Wichita area and have been serving in the coastal region of SA with an organization called Oceans of Mercy. Their purpose is to feed children, but that job can have many different faces. Kristi keeps a wonderful blog that you should check out from time to time as she describes their experiences. http://kristiapplesauce.typepad.com/kristi/

The region that we visited is called the Transkei. It was one of the 10 tribal homelands that SA was divided into during Apartheid. It was a "dumping ground" for Xhosa people that the white people did not want in the cities. It still is one of the most uneducated, impoverished areas of SA.

We were able to see a few types of ministries dedicated to feeding children up close from the "other side." We observed the benefits and challenges that Daniel and Kristi face in trying to feed kids in the most reliable, consistent way possible without giving handouts and stripping the people of their dignity. They constantly ask themselves how they can help people to learn to feed themselves and become self-sustaining without trying to "americanize" them.

One of the villages we visited, called Bukwini, has a child sponsorship partnership with a church in the States. The council maintains a list of needy children and families and prioritizes the "most" needy when a new sponsor becomes available. The money provides a monthly food parcel with basic like milk, mealie, oil, sugar, etc. as well as clothing for school. We visited on a day when the food was being delivered, sorted into parcels, and distributed to the guardian of the child that is being sponsored. There are challenges, though, like having to say "no" to giving away food on a whim (food depends on the number of sponsors) and knowing that once the food is distributed there is not a guarantee that it will go where it is supposed to go. It was good for us to see these challenges up close.

We also visited a village where Daniel and Kristi have helped a woman to run a daycare. At this daycare, Mama Christina is able to feed kids two healthy meals a day, store their school clothes and shoes in cubbies to keep them in good shape for longer, and teach the children. Mama Christina was recently trained on how to keep a garden and now she is teaching her daycare kids to do the same so that they will have this skill as adults. Also, she is a rocking soccer coach! She has a team that competes with other area villages and these boys are awesome! We played around with them for a few hours and they were clearly superior!

We learned a ton from our time with Daniel and Kristi. They are also doing a lot of work to train people in basic first aid and nutrition to help lessen the effects of HIV/AIDS. Read Kristi's blog for more on that!

cecil adventures...funny story...even if you are dog person

so, cecil is a rather social cat. all of our neighbors know him and regularly report to us about his visits to their yard or porch. during the summer, he comes home every evening smelling of bbq because he frequents all of the neighborhood cookouts. he's quite popular.
anyway, due to cecil's roamings we have a little collar and a tag that says "CECIL" and my phone number on it. the other day, cecil came home in the evening with a piece of masking tape on his collar. on the tape was written, "i think every dish is mine" with a smiley face. "oh no," i thought, "cecil's pilfering from a neighbor's cat dish again." there's nothing i can really do about this. i mean, if you put catfood outside, you can't really be surprised that it becomes a community dish, right? i figured if the mystery sticky note person was really offended by cecil's behaviors then they could call me.

next day, cecil comes home with a new note attached to the collar. this time it says, "cecil t catt at facebook." we looked on facebook and, yes, cecil now has a facebook page. courtesy of a neighbor that has been wooed by his cecil-ness. i don't have a facebook page but my cat does. he doesn't even have thumbs, but he has a facebook page. hilarious.

so if any of you facebook-ers want to "friend" my cat you may do so. cecil t catt.

final installment of the south africa trip...coming soon!

so i'm sure all of my 5 blog readers are sitting by their computers eagerly awaiting the post and the pictures regarding the 3rd and final leg of our south africa trip (which was 2 months ago!!!), so put your minds at ease...it is coming soon!

i actually had the entire thing typed up and pictures were in the process of uploading a week ago and before i could publish the post the "blue screen of death" appeared on our computer. i don't really have a technical term for what happened at that moment but just know that i was not pleased. our computer is moving at a snail's pace. kirk is in the process of fixing this problem but until he does, i cannot easily update our blog. i am currently typing this post from the computers at school. yeah, blogging at work...don't judge.

so, please continue to check my blog! don't give up on me!!!

johannesburg and surrounding townships (second leg)

After spending about 4 days in the Northern Region (Limpopo), we returned to Johannesburg to spend a few days with Pastor Isaac and his family. It was an 8 hour bus ride with no air-conditioning. And it was nearly summertime. Yuck. I remember handling it quite well, with little complaining. Of course, Kirk says that I repeatedly said every half hour, "I'm handling this pretty well, don't you think?" Well, memory can be subjective.


Jo-burg was the eye of the storm during the Apartheid protests that finally led to the downfall of Apartheid. The white Afrikaans government had divided the country of South Africa into ten "independent" Tribal Homelands to which all the black and mixed race South Africans were assigned. People were forcibly removed from their homes to live in remote tribal lands, so that the best areas with the most opportunities could be reserved for the whites. The townships surrounding Jo-burg sprouted up as squatter camps, ghettos with tin and brick shacks as far as the eye can see, for blacks that worked in the cities (often as servants to whites). Blacks were not allowed to live in the city or the nicer suburbs. I knew of Apartheid before visiting South Africa, but have learned so much more about it from reading Kaffir Boy, the autobiography of Mark Mathabane in case anyone is interested in learning more.


During our time in Jo-burg we stayed with Pastor Isaac's family and spent our days walking through the township of Kathlehong, visiting a daycare for AIDS orphans, visiting HIV/AIDS patients in their homes, attending a home church in the township, and attending Isaac's church. One of the AIDS victims that we visited, Maria, was confined to laying on a mat on the floor of her mother's house, barely able to lift her hand to greet us. It was her 37th birthday that day. We were overwhelmed by our inability to do anything for her. On our way home, Isaac suggested that we stop at the grocery store to buy her a cake, cokes, and a card. We were so excited for the chance to celebrate her life! That evening we returned with the cake. Her mother saw us coming and began to weep. Later she told Isaac that when she saw us approaching, she thought, "who is my daughter?" We sang "Happy Birthday" to Maria and told her mother to invite the neighbors for cake and cokes. How simple it is to love people!
We also drove through Soweto, an infamous township where many protests took place. This is the first place that the government has begun to make improvements, so Kathlehong was actually in worse condition. I am realizing more and more just how rare it was for us to stay in the home of a black South African, and to walk the streets of Kathlehong as friends and brothers and sisters, not as oppressors that would exploit the people and the land. One younger man approached Kirk and told him how glad he was that we had come to the township and that were not afraid to be there. There is still much segregation there and it is one of the few countries in Africa where there is a democracy, an economy, an infrastructure, and yet directly across the street people are suffering, malnourished, and impoverished.

more pics from limpopo (1st leg)

here are some more pics highlighting our time in the Limpopo region (villages of Moshagka, Dhambe, Mpaghane, Rabothatha, and Rampinyane).


pre-school graduation//dusty game of soccer after church//the south african "baby bjorn"//prayerful moment at Moshagka church

children at church service//villagers from Rabothatha (the village at the very top of the mountain...the most energetic, dancing church we visited (see pictures from previous post)//a quiet moment at the church at Moshagka

herd of cape buffalo after crossing the road//a giraffe busy eating//a male kudu

south africa: first leg: limpopo region

I am going to blog separately for each leg of our trip. Keep it simple.

The first leg of our trip we traveled by bus (8 hours!) from Jo-burg to the Northern (Limpopo) region tucked in the mountains in the northeast corner of SA, near the Zimbabwe and Mozambique borders and near Kruger National Reserve. We stayed with Nancy, pastor from the US who came to SA 20 years ago as a missionary with her husband, John. A few years later, Nancy's husband died but Nancy decided to stay in SA. When they first arrived in these mountain villages, SA was still in the climax of Apartheid (separation, or legalized segregation and racial discrimination). Many of the villagers did not understand why these white people would come to their village and visit their homes. Jonas, an fear-inspiring 15 year old, was especially angry. But, in Nancy he saw a truly loving and gentle person and this changed his perspective and his life. Now he, and several of his brothers and sisters, are pastors for village churches in the area. He is known as the "go-to" person in the area. If you need something fixed or need help with something, you should call on Jonas. This reminded me of Kirk!


While we were in the Northern region, most of our time was spent in the mountain villages. We visited several village churches and participated in their lively singing, dancing, and shared testimonies and messages with them. We saw people truly worship God without desiring his blessings (what a challenge that was to us Americans!). They came together frequently as a community to share about how they saw God at work in their lives and their services were true celebrations. We visited two villages that were about an hour away from the mountains, closer to Mozambique, were we got to see churches conducting pre-school graduations. The children recited all of the lessons that they had learned (in both Sotho and English, as were all of the church services...impressive). These villages were primarily refugees or the children of refugees that fled Mozambique about 20 years ago. Many people risked walking through the Kruger (and risked attack by wild animals) to reach SA. Kruger is about the size of a state, like Iowa or so. That's a lot of walking.

We also got to spend a day in Kruger National Reserve. We left the house around 3:30 am and arrived at Kruger just after dawn (sunrise was usually about 4:15-4:30 am). We saw baboons, giraffe, zebra, impala, elephants, hippo, cape buffalo (a herd of hundreds crossed the road in front of us!), wildebeast, and a pride of lions! It was incredible. I didn't know if I would be wow-ed by anything anymore...you know, with TV, movies, Discovery Channel, etc. I was wrong. I can still be wow-ed.

Next time: the second leg of our trip: Johannesburg.

my views...from south africa

notice my newest "my views" photo...this is one of my absolute favorite images from our trip. we were in the Transkei Region on the southeastern coast, a rural area. on this day we visited the village of Bukwini to distribute food parcels to the children in the village that are part of a child sponsorship program. there is no chief in the village, so the council runs the show. this photo was taken during a council meeting between the village council members and daniel and kristi, our friends working with Oceans of Mercy.

remember, this is how "my views" works: i post one of my photos and i want your feedback! this particular photo has not been edited. give me tips, comments, questions, criticisms and accolades! i want to know specifics, what do you like or not like? what would you do differently? i'm trying to grow here!

we're back

we made it back from south africa yesterday after traveling for over 36 hours straight! we slept all the way through the night last night (except for about 45 minutes in the middle of the night), but before that i only slept for 3 hours in a 45-hour time span! so, we're pretty tired...but we're safe and we had a good trip. there will be pictures and further update a little later this week once we've caught up on sleep. also, we had to take our camera memory card into a computer store to have the pictures recovered because kirk accidentally reformatted the card...he reassures me that my pictures are still there. i'm very nervous. luckily we had a backup 2 gb card so that i could continue to take pictures. we'll find out later this week about the other 600+ pictures. anyway, all that to say that we'll update the blog soon.